Uphill battles

This week has felt tough on the running scene. I am not sure what it is about, but I have to allow myself to have some tough runs too, and to try to push through them. My legs have felt like lead, my heart rate has been racing, and the whole run has felt uphill - go figure after Monday felt so easy!

I am frustrated to have missed most of the XC season. My team got second for the women's last weekend in the Southern Champs and it is not a far-fetched idea to think we might have won had I been there - not to big myself up, but another finisher in the top 20 would have done some damage. So I am bummed about that, and that I think my teammates are racing out in front of me, while I am leading this sedentary life here - doesn't help when the runs feel like such a chore, under tupperware skies. Just feel like it is a bit of a rut, running-wise, for the moment.

Home is okay. Dad was a bit down this week, as all the effort to put back on the weight has plateaued and he has been dropping pounds recently, and quite quickly. It is sort of concerning, as he has been eating fairly well. He started taking diuretics again to help with his swelling, so I hope that is part of the issue, and that it isn't an indication of anything going on inside. I can tell it is depressing him though and that is the last thing he needs. And because we can all sense it, and react to it, it is the last thing any of us need.

We are going back to the doctor's on Tuesday to see about the results from his tests, so let's hope that is positive. I don't really know what to think about the idea of him entering into treatment, let alone the whole experimental treatment stuff - it sort of scares the crap out of me, but we will see - he doesn't want to feel like he is sitting around doing nothing, which of course I can appreciate. I am just scared to death of what it could do, and how he will respond, mentally, physically, etc.

I hope the sun comes out this week - it just seems like it has been a bit of gloom this week. I have my friends, as always, and they help me escape and laugh, but sometimes I feel alone inside my own head. I am in Seattle this weekend for a fun party, and that will be a laugh, and a dose of normality, plus Super Bowl is tomorrow, and that will be great - Dad and L are planning to come out for it too, so hope that will buoy his spirits. Yes, let the sunshine and the road be a bit of a downhill coast for a while.