Struggling to stay on top

That is a bit of a dramatic title, but I have actually felt like it quite a bit this week - it was a hard week.

One thing bad about having a blog (or a personal journal for that matter) is the feeling of guilt when one doesn't write as often as he/she would like. I know I only have two followers, so I shouldn't worry too much about posting, but for my own good, I feel bad not posting - I often want to, and think about it, but like so many things, I seem to lack the time or the motivation, and rarely seem to have both at the same time. Little and often is what I should go for....

This week was about the worst I think there has been. Dad wasn't doing very well, it didn't seem like to me - not eating really at all to speak of. He has lost his appetite over the past couple weeks and also lost weight. Same for him, he is struggling with the 'little and often' idea. I get frustrated and try to force him to eat, which I know isn't the right thing to do - he KNOWS he has to eat. But then I don't get why he just doesn't do it, even if it is forcing it a bit. So I end up frustrated. He has also seemed a lot more tired - we haven't been out of the house with him in nearly a week, and it wears on us all.

So my frustration leads to other things too - I think the dynamics at home have just been a test, affecting my ability to focus on (or care about) my work, and I didn't feel very productive this week. I am also in some weird mood on my own, so feel on the brink of tears most of the time (probably woman-related). The good news is that I did get out and about a few evenings - even when I didn't want to, I got myself out of the house only because I know I will go crazy otherwise.

I ran with the Flying Irish again, which was really good fun! I did the route twice since it was only 3.3 miles on its own. People seemed impressed that I was 5th overall - I ran hard, and it felt good. Of course it decided to be winter again at the early part of the week. Don't get me wrong, I love winter, but I can't deal now - I want spring and sunshine and warmth. So it felt good to be out once the clouds had cleared.

Today was a tough day too - I don't know why I couldn't motivate to get going, but again it was an ugly day at the start and I just didn't have it in me. Rather, I worked on my sewing project and tried to lose myself for a while, which seemed to help. I finally made it out for the run, and to my surprise, it was really good! The sun was out, and it was very warm - I didn't do the long run, but will aim for that tomorrow. Some days I just have to do what I can do, and not fret about it - not worry that I am letting myself or other people down - little and often, for me and for me alone.